Land Rover BDSM: She Squirts…

land rover bdsm tow truckAt some point you basically come to terms with leaking some sort of fluid. Like the way you come to terms with the annoying drama of your significant other. Ever watched your girl trim her toenails? Or why not put the cap back on the toothpaste? Or wipe down the sink? Why leave the toothpaste crusted in the sink? Well the Land Rover does this all the time…but with puddles of fluid. January has been a wet month.

It started out innocent enough….it was a beautiful sunny day here in SoCal when I decided to go out for a burrito on my lunch break. My mistress(the Disco) was running smooth and enjoying the excitement of cruising up and down the 101. I figured she was happy about her recent flogging and penetration of my wallet. I couldn’t have been more wrong.  She was beyond happy. She was excited. Of course, she waited till I was back at work and the time was right. She blew her main coolant hose the moment I returned to work and squirted everywhere… As you would imagine I was a little surprised,

“Really babe? Do we have to do this right now in the parking lot at work?”

She was serious though. She loosed up her hose clamp (or maybe somebody forgot to tighten it – but that’s how BDSM works…you kind of want it to go this way). And with no hose clamp, she was letting it all hang out. Right there with everyone at work watching. There was no time for her games so I worked hard. 30 minutes latter I had her all buttoned up. You might be thinking to yourself, “wow, that was fast.” Trust me I usually go way longer… but that’s for when I service her at home.

You would think the episode at work was enough, but the Land Rover likes to punish me. There were more cooling issues a week later. A lot more. I already replaced the throttle body heater plate three times – this isn’t a moving part. Why does it wear out? Because the Land Rover like to punish. When I noticed a little puddle just under the plate on the rocker cover I though “Here we go again.”

But of course it was a new failure, cause she likes to keep it fresh and fun! The new throttle body heater hose I stuck on now seems to be leaking at one if its hard line segments. I won’t question why the hose couldn’t have been made as one piece of rubber. We all like rubber. Speaking of hard lines, the heater core line coming out of the firewall has a little crack in it. GI’m going to pretend those aren’t there for now…

I prefer that my land rover and I played our games after work. I’m not saying that I don’t enjoy our jaunts at lunch or before work. I just like to unwind a little when I get home. Thankfully when she decided that she wanted new shoes she didn’t make a big fuss. She would quietly air down a tire as a reminder that,”Hey hun…Please mount me with those new BFG KO2s….they look sexy.”  I tried to make the  mixed tires work, but they were a little frumpy and didn’t match her personality.

So I caved and threw down some cash. Again…because this is how Land Rover BDSM works.

In the next update things get a little brighter! Actually a lot brighter!

Bill Caswell is a self-taught racing driver, mechanic, and fabricator, and rose to internet fame taking a $500 Craigslist BMW to a World Rally Championship event in Mexico in March of 2010. His exploits have featured in places like ESPN Magazine, Grassroots Motorsports, NPR Radio, Wired.com and Jalopnik.com. A lifelong fan of rally and motorsport, Caswell famously believes nothing to be impossible.